Why Don't We Talk About Death?

Today on my way to yoga class I stopped at a 4-way stop sign where each car stopped a second apart, making who goes first a very smooth process. Sometimes life is this way but many times we all stop at the same time, wave at the same time, proceed at the same time, and end up with a jerky process.  Many of us approach the subject of death with such a process--a quiet agitation or a subtle uneasiness, especially when it is not imminent. We also approach this process as unnatural, even eerie, despite our unquestionable fate. I am not surprised that recent discussions regarding “end of life decisions” in the current political climate has stirred up a host of awkward emotions. How many of us stop at the subject of death and are unsure of how to proceed or take a quick detour in the opposite direction?  I, for one, am not sure or satisfied with my feelings about death.  My thought processes are definitely jerky.  But why?

While practicing nursing on a coronary care unit, I come across living wills in charts of my patients who are intubated, on tube feedings, and on multiple drips, have end-stage chronic disease or are very elderly (I had a 98 year old with dementia yesterday who asked me: “What if I say no?” to a blood transfusion). Sometimes a discomfort pervades me as well as an uncertainty as to whether or not I am honoring what the patient wants. Am I getting them through a critical “hump” in their illness, am I prolonging the inevitable? Is it my place to decide? Is it the government’s place to decide?  The doctor's?

Lets discuss a more tangible subject:   Do you understand living wills and power of attorneys?
To ease the uneasiness, I found this humorous video about Living Wills on the net.  I guarantee it will make you laugh...or at least smile.  Take a look:



Then I surfed the net for "Power of Attorney."  I came across this site http://www.legacywriter.com/ and purchased myself a form for Power of Attorney for $14.95.  It took only a few minutes to fill out and print.  Should I become vegetative......my hubby will now know my wishes.

So who determines if I am vegetative or terminally ill?  A doctor makes that choice, and I would  hope that it would be a doctor who is compassionate and experienced.  I have seen doctors from the same group have extensive experience in the disease process, but one has compassion and the other? none.  Those with compassion go beyond the knowledge of disease processes and care about the whole person.  They become an advocate for the person.  This can be a very complex subject for people and their loved ones and some may need the help of such an advocate.  Check out this site from a compassionate cardio-thoracic surgeon who is now practicing as an end of life advocate.  http://www.karlahlswede.com/.  I sincerely hope the government would not take over these types of decisions.  We need as much information as we can get on our journey at life's end and real compassionate "people" to help us wade through it.  I wrote this poem after resusitating a woman in her 90s.  Lets talk about it now.  Its only natural.


The Predicament of Advancement

Shuffling feet hurry
on the roller coaster
of jolts
and thrusting
hands.
This mechanical,
electrical,
tuned up
machine
is working again.
Sighs are heard
after hands are tied,
but I ponder this phrase,
pushing grey, brittle hair
from her eyes:

Above All, Do No Harm